Making Some Changes …

After much thought, I’ve decided to move Divulge and Indulge to another platform.  I’ll discuss the reasons for this move in a more detailed post on my new blog, but right now I just wanted to get the word out.  (Mostly so that any readers I may have don’t think I’ve just abandoned my blog.)

I’ve already claimed my new blog on Bloglovin’ and I’m slowly attempting to update my information on various social media sites (not like I use those much anyway, though).

I’m also in the process of having a new design installed, which is something I’m really excited about.  Right now the blog is pretty bare bones (I haven’t even worked on an “About Me” page yet!), but I did manage to figure out how to migrate everything from WordPress to Blogger.  I’m actually really proud of myself for figuring this out since I’m not really that great with that sort of thing.

It took a lot of time and effort to update my links and work on formatting issues (and I’m still not 100% happy with the way it looks, though I’m hoping some of those kinks may be worked out once the new layout is installed).  I spent the better part of the last week working on it, and I managed to only lose a few comments in the process.  (Basically if a comment was made following the migration, it didn’t make it over to the new blog.  This is also why I haven’t been responding to comments.  Well, that and the fact that I was mostly logged into Blogger, working on my stuff there.)

I hope to be posting regularly on the new blog very soon.  I feel like some of the little things that didn’t get completely fixed are going to bug me, but I guess I could always go back and tweak things later.

For now, I hope you’ll follow me on my new blog, which can be found here.  And please don’t judge the bare bones look right now … It should look much better soon!

Making Time for the Most Important People in My Life: My March Goals

As I said in my last post, the focus for this month’s personal challenge is “relationships.”

I share a lot on this blog about my relationship with my husband, some of my previous romantic relationships, and, in a couple of cases, how some of my friendships have changed (or faded away) over the years.  I’m not sure if they’re the kind of posts that people like to read, but I really enjoy writing them.  I like sharing these kinds of stories and thoughts, and I always feel so great after I spend some time writing and reflecting on my feelings.  These are also my favorite kinds of posts to read on other blogs, regardless of whether I can relate to what they’re saying.  Sometimes I just like to see how different or similar someone else’s life experiences are to my own.  (Or maybe I’m just nosy and want to read all about other people’s personal lives.)

The point is, I think and care a lot about my relationships with other people.  The problem is that as I get older, it seems to get more difficult to maintain a lot of these relationships.  We all have our own obligations: work, family, pets, hobbies … The list goes on and on.  And since a lot of my friends and family live far away, properly keeping in touch with everyone on a regular basis becomes even more difficult.

With that in mind, I’ve come up with a few simple goals for March to help strengthen my relationships with the most important people in my life.

March2015Goals

Image provided by Unsplash (unsplash.com) and edited by me.

My March 2015 Goals:

1.  Call/text friends more often.  I don’t love talking on the phone, but I’ll definitely at least call my friend Jennifer on her birthday this month.  I’ll also try to reach out to some of my other friends (probably via text) during the month to check in and catch up.

2.  Have at least one friend “date.”  I already have another Skype date lined up for later this month with the same friends I spent 6 hours Skyping with on Valentine’s Day (which, in my eyes, definitely counts), but I’ll probably also try to either set up a one-on-one dinner with a friend or plan a group thing with some of my friends after work one day.

3.  Have a date night with Eric.  We haven’t had a date night since the end of January, and I already have a restaurant in mind to try!

4.  Call my mom at least once during the month.  She and I text quite a bit, but we don’t always talk on the phone (mostly because it inevitably turns into a several hour long conversation, and we don’t always have time for that).  I haven’t called her in a while, though, so it’s probably time for one of those really long phone conversations.

5.  Continue going to yoga classes 2-3 times each week.  This is something I’ve been doing anyway, but it’s definitely important to work on my relationship with myself (and my health!) as well as my relationships with the other people in my life.

I haven’t been doing a great job sticking with my monthly goals lately, but I think I’ll be able to accomplish all of these.  I’m looking forward to spending more time with the people I care most about (even if it’s only via phone, text, or Skype!).

Monthly Personal Challenge Link-up: February Results

Not Entirely Perfect

 

February is obviously always the shortest month of the year, but this year it seemed to pass by in the blink of an eye.  I thought I could cram a bunch of things into those 28 days, and I guess I sort of did … But some of my create goals suffered as a result.

I was actually really excited about all of my goals this month.  I was going to better myself by spending more time on some of my favorite hobbies.  I was optimistic that I’d do more in February than I did in January.

And then life happened.

I won’t say that I completely failed last month because I didn’t.  But I didn’t do as much as I wanted to.

To recap, my goals for February were:

1.  Create a blogging schedule for at least the next 2 months.

2.  Make an effort to write creatively at least once a week.

3.  Come up with a new way to list out the week’s meal plan (preferably making some sort of graphic using PicMonkey).

4.  Create an original recipe.

5.  Finish Eric’s very long overdue wedding anniversary present.

Here’s how I did:

1.  I didn’t even make an attempt to work on a blogging schedule.  I’m kind of pissed at myself for blowing off one of the more important things on the list, but I just wasn’t motivated to do it.  So I didn’t.

2.  I’ll give myself a pass on writing creatively at least once a week, even though I didn’t technically write much at all.  I spent a lot of February thinking about some of my ideas for novels, narrowing my focus, working through some character development, and laying out a couple of specific “scenes.”  I actually only wrote a couple of times (the rest was mostly making notes or working through things in my mind), but I feel like I deserve a pass since I was at least working on some creative writing projects.  All of the things I was doing were important (at least in my opinion) and are getting me in the right frame of mind to begin the process of piecing together a manuscript.

3.  I haven’t even bothered to make a meal plan in weeks, so my meal plan graphic didn’t happen.  I really need to get back in the habit of making meal plans.  When I don’t, we usually end up eating out a lot (or just eating random shit we find in our kitchen).  Not good.

4.  I’m going to give myself a pass on creating an original recipe even though I’m reluctant to do so.  The idea itself wasn’t completely novel (though I guess a lot of recipes are just variations of something else), and I used a recipe for a sauce I’ve made before (which was originally slightly adapted from another recipe).  However, I didn’t use a specific recipe for the overall meal, I used my own judgment when it came to measurements and types of ingredients, and the sauce was one I’ve never seen with these ingredients … So I’d say that’s something.  It’s a stretch, but it will do.  I’ll be posting it on the blog soon (probably next week for Tasty Tuesday).

5.  I’m about 95% done with my gift for Eric, so I’m going to give myself a pass on this as well.  I still can’t say what it is since he reads my blog, but I can say that all I have left to do is look it over to determine if any changes need to be made, make any necessary changes, and submit the order.  It took a lot of time, but the hard part is over.  I hope he likes it as much as I think he will!

As I said earlier, February was just okay for me.  I wish I’d completed all of my goals (especially the blogging schedule since that’s so important!) and that I’d done a little more creative writing (as opposed to spending so much time planning), but I wouldn’t say I completely failed.  I just didn’t do as well as I would have liked.

But now it’s time to move on.  This month’s theme is “relationships.”  I have a couple of goals in mind, but this post has already gotten long enough and, as I mentioned last month, I like separating my results from my new monthly goals.  I’m weird, I guess.

I’ll be back either tomorrow or Saturday with my goals for March.  I think this will be a good area for me to focus on because I’ve been pretty awful at keeping in touch with some of my friends lately.  It sucks, but unfortunately that’s what happens when your friends are scattered all over the country (one of my friends isn’t even living in the country right now … She’s in school in Europe, so it’s even more difficult to find a good time to talk to her).  Anyway, I’m excited to come up with some ways to strengthen the relationships I have with the people in my life (and maybe throw in something for my relationship with myself as well!).

Tasty Tuesday: Arni Giouvetsi

I was really excited to write today’s Tasty Tuesday post because today I’m sharing one of our favorite meals.  We don’t have it that often (mostly because ground lamb is $10.00/lb and that just seems ridiculous), but when we do, we’re reminded exactly why we love it so much.

As with most Greek dishes, the flavors are simple and comforting.  Arni Giouvetsi (also spelled Arni Youvetsi) reminds me of something you’d have at a large family dinner on a Sunday afternoon … It’s not particularly fancy, but it is delicious!

I don’t make this dish in the traditional way (with a shoulder or leg of lamb) for two reasons: I like the way the ground lamb mixes in completely with the dish (you basically get a bite of meat with every bite of orzo, tomatoes, and onions) and, to be perfectly honest, ground lamb is easier for me to find.  If you want to try making a more traditional Arni Giouvetsi, I’d recommend clicking over to Elly Says Opa (the link to this meal can be found below the recipe title) and following her instructions.  If you’re like me, though, and prefer using ground lamb, you can use the recipe below.  I didn’t make that many changes from the original recipe, but some of the cook/bake times are different, so make sure you follow the instructions that correspond with the type of lamb you’re using!

ArniGiouvetsi

Looking at this picture makes me sad that we don’t have any more leftovers.

Arni Giouvetsi

Adapted ever so slightly from a recipe on Elly Says Opa.

Ingredient List:

  • 1-1 1/2 lbs ground lamb (I used a 1.07 lb package of ground lamb last time)
  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • 2 tsp sea salt (plus additional to taste)
  • 2 tsp black pepper (plus additional to taste)
  • 1 white onion, diced
  • 3 cloves garlic (or, if you’re lazy like me, the equivalent of jarred, pre-minced garlic)
  • 4 tbsp tomato paste
  • 1 14.5 oz. can diced tomatoes
  • 3 cups water or broth (I always use water in this recipe because I like the flavor of the lamb to shine through, but I’m sure it would also be great with chicken broth)
  • 1 16 oz. package orzo

Instructions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 300 degrees.
  2. Spray a 9×13 inch pan with cooking spray.
  3. Heat the olive oil in a medium skillet.  Add the ground lamb and season the meat with the salt and pepper.
  4. Cook the lamb until just brown, breaking it up as it cooks.  (This shouldn’t take more than 20 minutes or so.)
  5. Once the lamb is cooked through, add it to the 9×13 inch pan.  (Make sure you retain at least some of the juices in the skillet for the next step!)
  6. In the same skillet, add the diced onion and cook until tender.
  7. Add the garlic and tomato paste to the onions and cook for 30-60 seconds, or until the garlic is fragrant and the tomato paste has started to cook off and become incorporated with the onions.
  8. Pour in the diced tomatoes (with their juices) and the water (or broth).  Bring the mixture to a boil, stirring occasionally.  Season to taste with additional sea salt and pepper.
  9. Cook the tomato mixture for about 3-5 minutes at a boil, then pour the liquid around the lamb in the pan.
  10. Bake uncovered for 25-30 minutes before adding the orzo.  (I used the full 30 minutes.)
  11. Remove the pan from the oven and increase the heat to 350 degrees.
  12. Add the orzo to the lamb and tomato mixture in the pan, stirring several times to ensure the orzo is completely covered with liquid.
  13. Bake uncovered for an additional 20-30 minutes, or until most of the liquid has evaporated.  (I only baked mine for 20 minutes.)

The ingredient list is pretty short and simple, but it does take some time to prepare.  It’s well worth the effort, though!  As for sides, I think this meal is best served with a steamed green vegetable (I made green beans the last time we had this).

Playlist: February 2015

Since I tried to make “Love and Relationships” a more prominent theme on my blog this month, it was only fitting that I finish February off with a playlist full of love songs.

Back in November I shared some of my favorite romantic love songs, so I decided to change it up this time around.  If I’m being totally honest, my absolute favorite love songs aren’t the happy “I’ve finally found what I’ve been looking for” songs (though those can be nice as well).  No, my favorite love songs are the ones that shatter my heart into a million pieces.  And, after yesterday’s post, I thought it was appropriate to share some of my favorite breakup songs.

When I dealt with heartbreak in the past, I always turned to music.  There was something so oddly comforting in knowing that someone else could so beautifully put into words the exact emotions you were feeling … That someone really got it.  And, while all of these songs aren’t explicitly about love gone bad, they’re some of the songs that really resonated with me when I was struggling with a broken heart.

Since I’ve been trying to get a little more personal on my blog (and because I’m a total nerd who loves discussing what specific songs mean to me), I’ve decided to share why each of these songs deserved a spot on this particular playlist.

February2015Playlist

1. Sweet Adeline: From the beginning of the song, Elliott Smith breaks your heart with simple but eloquent descriptions of the days (or weeks) following a particularly awful breakup with the lines “Cut this picture into you and me/Burn it backwards, kill this history/Make it over, make it stay away/Or hate’ll sing the ending that love started to say.”  A part of you wants to just forget everything to avoid those feelings of bitterness and hate that so often bubble up and take over when someone hurts you more than you ever believed possible.

2. The Walk: This is by far my favorite Imogen Heap song of all time.  The imagery is great, as she finds herself continuously faced with the one person she can never have the way she wants (“Inside out, upside down twisting beside myself/Stop that now, ’cause you and I were never meant to be”).  The song so perfectly describes those conflicting feelings of wanting that person in your life even though you know it will only lead to heartache, eventually comforting yourself the only way you know how: by blaming them for everything (“I don’t want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault”).

3. Map of the Problematique: This song could really be about a lot of things, but for me, it’s about the loneliness you’re left with when the life and love you’ve built with someone else disintegrates (“And I feel like everything I sow is being swept away/Well, I refuse to let you go”).

4. Rough Hands: This is one of the more obvious songs about a love lost that covers the feelings from the beginning of the breakup (“Was I left behind?/Someone tell me, tell me I survived”) to the realization at the end that it’s really over (“Two people too damaged too much too late”).

5. Fake Plastic Trees: For me, this song has always been about trying to mold yourself into your most perfect version in order to sustain a love that was never really there in the first place (“She looks like the real thing/She tastes like the real thing/My fake plastic love”).  Everything around the couple seems fake because it is … Their expectations have never truly fused with reality, leaving them disappointed and broken when they begin to see things as they actually are (“If I could be who you wanted all the time”).

6. The Ice is Getting Thinner: This is another obvious song about the deterioration of a romantic relationship.  The beauty in this song lies in its simplicity: from the opening lines “We’re not the same, dear, as we used to be/The seasons have changed and so have we” to the lovely imagery of the death of things in winter (“We bury our love in the wintery grave/A lump in the snow was all that remained”).  And at the end of the song, the inevitable truth that both people need to face is sung: “Then it saddens me to say what we both knew was true/That the ice was getting thinner under me and you.”

7. Lua: I struggled with adding this song to the list because there are just so many Bright Eyes songs that are more obviously about lost love (and this is more likely about a struggle with depression and addiction).  It won out in the end because I literally would spend hours listening to “Lua” on repeat when I was dealing with a particularly difficult breakup.  Conor Oberst has always had a way with words, and this song is no exception.  From the loneliness that comes with no longer having someone special in your life (“When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend/I get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations”) to trying to move on when you’re not ready (“The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won’t exist”) to trying to find any way to forget the horrible ache in your heart (“Well, we might die from medication but we sure killed all the pain”) to finally admitting to yourself that you’re just not over it (“And I’m not sure what the trouble was that started all of this/The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did”), he perfectly describes all of the stages that come with the end of an important relationship.

8. The Engine Driver: This song fucking breaks my heart every single time I hear it, yet I’d say it’s my favorite song by The Decemberists.  The repeated line “And if you don’t love me, let me go” is one that anyone who has ever found themselves going back to the person who broke their heart only to leave more broken than before can relate to.  And, as someone who has always found writing to be extremely cathartic, I could always also relate to the line “I’ve written pages upon pages trying to rid you from my bones.”  So true.

9. Himerus and Eros: I listened to this song on a regular basis back when I was dealing with this.  Much like “The Walk,” it describes the confused feelings that go along with wanting to be with someone who can’t give you the type of relationship you want (“And I fight the urge to explore the vastness of your curves I adore/You know I hate you/No, I hate you more/You know I love you/No, I love you more/Yes, it’s true, you’ve brainwashed me and now I’m more confused/I still somehow hope I end up with you/Yes, it’s true, I romanticize every single thing I do/Especially when it comes to you”).  This song takes it a step further, though, since it’s not just about the feelings but also the sexual aspect when you’re unable to break away from someone you’re still in love with and find yourself still hooking up with them long after the relationship has ended (“I hope to God I mean a little more than the sounds that escape your tired 4:00 a.m. lips/Oh, how I wish I meant a little more than a symphony of heavy breathing and the friction of hips”).

10. Cup of Coffee: When I was dealing with the same breakup I mentioned above, I truly felt like this song was written just for me (minus the part about the cigarettes).  It probably sounds ridiculous, but the words just rang so true for me.  From finding myself walking or driving by his place despite actively trying to avoid him (“I’m walking empty streets, hoping we might meet/I see your car parked on the road/The light on at your window/I know for sure that you’re home/And I just have to pass on by”) to the realization that we could never be “just friends” until I actually moved on (“So no, of course we can’t be friends/Not while I still feel like this”) to the black pit of depression I was sucked into for over a year after things had ended (“My friends all say they’re worried/I’m looking far too skinny/I’ve stopped returning all their calls”), this song was one that really helped me work through all of the horrible, confused emotions that went along with that particular situation.

11. Raining in Baltimore: This will forever be one of my favorite sad songs.  Adam Duritz reduces me to tears each and every time he sings the lines “Where you should be, no one’s around,” “These train conversations are passing me by/And I don’t have nothing to say/You get what you pay for, but I just had no intention of living this way,” and “There’s things I remember and things I forget/I miss you, I guess that I should/Three thousand five hundred miles away/What would you change if you could?” … So basically I’m a blubbering mess through this entire song.  It’s so beautiful, though.

12. Hey Jupiter: This was always one of my go-to breakup songs.  Although it’s more about a love triangle than the end of a relationship, the feelings of heartache and loneliness still echo throughout the lyrics.  Tori Amos starts the song off ready to share all of the things weighing on her heart, though she knows she’ll only cause herself pain in doing so (“And this little masochist/She’s ready to confess/All the things that I never thought that she could feel”) and goes on to describe the feeling that goes along with someone leaving their mark on your heart (“Found your writing on my wall/Well, if my heart’s soaking wet/Boy, your boots can leave a mess”).  She ends the song in much the same way as it began, essentially coming full circle in her realization that she’s now truly alone (“No one’s picking up the phone/Guess it’s clear he’s gone/And this little masochist is lifting up her dress/Guess I thought I could never feel the things I feel”).

13. Day Old Hate: This is my absolute favorite City and Colour song because it has always held so much meaning in my life.  As with several other songs on this list, the lyrics are simple but heartfelt, accurately describing many of the feelings I’ve struggled with following a breakup.  The first verse in particular is perfect: “So let’s face it, this was never what you wanted/But I know it’s fun to pretend/Now blank stares and empty threats are all I have/They’re all I have.”  He didn’t play this song when I saw him last, but the first time I saw Dallas Green touring as City and Colour, I was reduced to tears when he sang this.  (Yes, I’m that girl who cries at concerts.)

14. Rootless Tree: This is one of the best angry breakup songs ever written.  It’s not even obviously angry until you reach the chorus, which I used to sing at the top of my lungs while driving in my car, trying to detach myself from the person I needed to get over: “So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and all we’ve been through/I said leave it, leave it, leave it, it’s nothing to you/And if you hate me, hate me, hate me/Then hate me so good that you can let me out, let me out, let me out of this hell when you’re around.”  Though the song definitely has its sad moments (“What I want from this is learn to let go/But no, not of you/Of all that’s been told”), for me it was mostly a great song to listen to when I needed a release for all of the bitterness and anger that inevitably goes along with the end of a relationship.

15. Get Gone: I had such a hard time choosing just one Fiona Apple song to include on this playlist.  I’ve turned to her music more than any other artist (even Elliott Smith!) following breakups and general disillusionment with various men in my life, and to this day I even refer to When the Pawn … as “the quintessential breakup album” because I relied on it so heavily to get me through the agony of my worst breakups.  As with “Rootless Tree,” this is one of the best angry breakup songs ever written.  And, once you’ve moved past the sadness and loneliness, sometimes you just need to put on a really angry song to put yourself in a “Fuck him, I don’t need this shit!” type of mindset.  If you’re at that point, this is the perfect song for you.  Fiona Apple flawlessly puts into words the feelings that go along with realizing that things have completely gotten out of hand (“How many times can it escalate ’til it elevates to a place I can’t breathe?”) and that he’s just not worth it anymore (“I’ll idealize and realize that it’s no sacrifice because a price is paid and there’s nothing left to grieve/Fuckin’ go”).  But, for me, the best part of this song is the chorus because it took the jumbled thoughts I’d always have following a breakup and pieced them together, ending with a line I’d always find myself repeating in hopes I’d one day believe it and move on with my life: “How can I deal with this, if he won’t get with this?/Am I gonna heal from this?/He won’t admit to it/Nothing to figure out/I gotta get him out/It’s time the truth was out that he don’t give a shit about me.”

I know I wrote a lot about these songs, so if you actually read all of that, thank you!  If not, that’s okay … I know everyone isn’t into reading someone’s personal thoughts on specific songs (especially if they’re not songs they regularly listen to).

Even if you’re not dealing with a broken heart, these are all great songs.  (I listen to all of them on a regular basis.)  And, if you are, maybe you’ll find something here that speaks to how you’re feeling and helps you move past it.

 

Also, if anyone feels like sharing, what are some songs that have helped you deal with heartbreak in the past?

How NOT to Break Up with Someone: A True Story

I originally wrote this back in September, but I was waiting for the right time to post it.  Since I decided to focus a little more on posts falling under the “Love and Relationships” category during the month of February, I figured I may as well share it now.

I was always horrible when it came to dealing with breakups.  Whether I was being overly dramatic when the guy ended things or a complete chickenshit when I did, breakups were not my thing.

I remember envying couples who could break up and remain friends back in high school and college.  I’m not talking about the ones who eventually got past all the pain and bitterness and learned to like each other as people once again … I can successfully do that.  I’m talking about the couples who broke up and somehow avoided all of the emotional anguish … The ones who could spend time together (or even just have a normal conversation!) right after their romantic relationship ended.  That I could never do.

I usually avoided my ex-boyfriends after a breakup because I never knew what to say or how to act.  (Or, in one case, I did the complete opposite and just kept sleeping with him and spending all of my free time with him.  That’s really not any better than completely avoiding the guy … In fact, it’s probably much worse.)  I hated conflict (I still do), and it was usually just easier to hide from these guys than deal with the aftermath.

With that in mind, I’m now going to share the story of how my first serious, long term relationship ended.  I’ll preface this story by saying that it in no way makes me look good.  In fact, I’d say it makes me look like a huge asshole.  And, if I’m being totally honest, I was a huge asshole at the time.  Thankfully I eventually recognized this, made the necessary heartfelt apologies, and now maintain a friendship with the person I’m writing about.  At the time, though, things got really ugly.

HowNotToBreakUpWithSomeone

The relationship began the summer before my junior year of high school and ended about a month and a half into my junior year of college.  As I said before, this was my first really serious relationship (any other relationship I’d had before wasn’t with someone I could actually picture spending the rest of my life with), and I was in love with him.

“B” (I’ll keep his full name out of the blog out of respect for his privacy) and I were mostly happy together, but there were a few issues that we just couldn’t seem to work through.  Some of them were legitimate (like the fact that he wanted a big family and I wasn’t sure I ever wanted kids), while others were probably somewhat legitimate but mostly selfish (like my fear that since we started dating at such a young age, I’d probably always wonder if there was something better out there).

But that’s not why I’ll come off as an asshole in this story (though that probably doesn’t help).  No, the reason I’ll look like an asshole is because of the way I ended things with him.

We went to colleges about 4 hours apart.  He drove to visit me one weekend (our last weekend together), and things were really awkward.  We’d fairly recently taken a “break” (à la Ross and Rachel), but decided to try to work through our issues.

tumblr_mfj5jwKV1W1r4znvgo4_250

Well … At least neither of us slept with some random person during that time.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t let some of my issues go.  And, to further complicate things, I was attracted to another guy I’d become friends with at school.  In addition, I found out through mutual friends that he was also interested in me.  He even hung out with “B” and me a few times over the course of that weekend (awkward!) because we had plans with a group of my friends and he was invited/included in that group.

I knew by the end of the weekend that I couldn’t be in the relationship any longer.  I still cared about “B” and even loved him … But I wasn’t in love with him anymore.  We had too many problems to ever really work, and though it broke my heart to do it, I knew I needed to end things.

I should have broken up with him at the end of that weekend.  I remember sitting with him in his car right before he left, talking.  I should have been telling him how I felt and given him all the reasons why I didn’t think we should stay together.  I don’t even remember what we were talking about … But it wasn’t that.  I just couldn’t bring myself to say those words.  And so I kissed him goodbye and watched him drive off, knowing deep down that I would probably never see him again.  (I haven’t.  Though we’ve managed to move past all of this and kept in touch as friends, we’ve never made an effort to see one another.  All of this happened in September 2004, so it’s now been over 10 years since I’ve seen him.)

Since I failed to say something to him in person, you’d think I would at least have the decency to break up with him over the phone.  I didn’t.  (I think we all know where this is headed.)

No, chickenshit asshole me decided to break up with him via email.  Email!  I still cringe when I think about it.  I mean, we’d literally given each other years of our young lives.  We’d been through a lot together.  He was my best friend, the one person I felt I could share anything with.  He was my first real love.  And I broke up with him in a fucking email.

break-up-post-it

At least I said more than that and didn’t break up with him using a Post-It, right?  RIGHT?!?!  (Okay, no … My way was still super shitty.)

I still feel like a worthless sack of shit when I think back to that time.  I can’t believe I could treat someone I cared about so much with such callousness.  I mean, ending a long distance relationship is obviously not the same as ending a relationship when you live in the same city, but I could have handled it better.  I could have given him an opportunity to tell me how he felt, encouraged a discussion between the two of us.

But I didn’t because I was scared.  I was scared to hear what he had to say.  And, more than that, I was scared I’d be talked out of making that decision.  Even though I knew, without a doubt, that “B” and I had grown apart and were no longer truly happy, I knew he could remind me of the good times and I’d be willing to give it another try.  And I was determined not to be talked out of ending things with him.

But still … I should have handled things much differently back then.

Moral of the story: Don’t be an asshole.  Don’t end a long term relationship via email.

Tasty Tuesday: Dijon-Crusted Tilapia

I made Dijon-Crusted Tilapia for the first time about a year ago.  (I actually even posted it on my old blog, along with a horrible picture.  Trust me when I say it’s embarrassing that I once believed a picture like that actually looked good!)  I initially came across the recipe when I was searching for some new ways to prepare fish, and decided to make it one evening when I realized we had all of the ingredients on hand.

If I’m being completely honest, I only tried this recipe for that reason.  It wasn’t that I thought it would be bad, but I didn’t expect it to be great.  I assumed it would be one of those things that was just “okay” … You know, the kind of recipe you only make once because it’s nothing special.

Fortunately, I was wrong!

This meal has so many things going for it: it’s healthy, flavorful, and easy to make.  It’s a great option for a quick weeknight meal, especially if you’re trying to stick with a more wholesome diet.  Yes, it contains mayonnaise, but it’s light mayonnaise and only a small quantity is used.  (I don’t even like mayonnaise, so don’t worry if you’re not a fan … You can’t taste it at all.  You can, however, taste the Dijon mustard, so this may not be the recipe for you if you don’t like that particular flavor.)

If you’re looking for a new way to prepare fish that doesn’t require much effort (and you like the taste of Dijon mustard, of course!), I’d definitely recommend trying this recipe.  I just made it last week, and I’m pretty sure it will be making an appearance again either this week or next week.  It’s really that good (and that simple!).

Dijon-CrustedTilapia

I wish I’d gotten a slightly better photo of this dish, but this is still a million times better than the picture I used on my old blog!

Dijon-Crusted Tilapia

Adapted ever so slightly from a recipe on Taste of Home.

Ingredient List:

  • 2-4 tilapia fillets (I used 2 large fillets, but the recipe would work just as well with 4 smaller pieces of fish)
  • 3 tbsp reduced fat mayonnaise
  • 3 tbsp shredded Parmesan cheese, divided
  • 1 lemon
  • 2 tsp Dijon mustard
  • 1/3 cup Panko breadcrumbs
  • 2 tbsp low fat margarine or butter (I used low fat margarine)

Instructions:

  1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.
  2. Squeeze the juice from the lemon into a small bowl then add the mayonnaise, half of the Parmesan cheese, and Dijon mustard.  Stir to combine thoroughly.
  3. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil and coat with cooking spray.
  4. Place the fish fillets on the baking sheet and spread the mayonnaise/mustard mixture as evenly as possible over both sides of the fish.
  5. In a second small microwave safe bowl, melt the butter in the microwave.  (This should only take about 10-15 seconds.)
  6. Mix the Panko breadcrumbs and remaining Parmesan cheese in with the melted butter, and sprinkle the mixture over the top of each fish fillet.
  7. Bake for 15-20 minutes, or until the fish flakes easily with a fork.  (I usually let my fish bake for the full 20 minutes.)

As you can probably see from the picture, I most recently served this meal with a side of seasoned rice.  (Okay, it’s Rice-A-Roni, one of my food guilty pleasures … Don’t judge!)  I also made simple green salads for each of us, but forgot to include them in the picture.